Navigating Sex With Paraplegia – Answering Listener Questions

Today, we’re going to dive in and answer a question that a listener sent in about sex and paraplegia. They asked: 

My husband is a paraplegic. He has no feeling below his ribs. I was wondering if you can suggest any tips or books that would help our sex life. Thanks!

Thank you for sending in this question! For those who may be unaware, paraplegia is paralysis that occurs in the lower half of the body, usually impacting the abdomen, as well as the pelvis and legs. Paraplegia is sometimes confused with quadriplegia, which is paralysis that occurs from the neck down, impacting both legs and both arms.

Forms of Arousal Other Than Physical Stimulation

First, as far as tips or books that may improve your sex life, it is helpful to be aware of forms of arousal other than physical touch. This goes for everybody! Although physical touch is the form of arousal most commonly associated with sexual stimulation, there are five other arousal types that can help increase the mood sexually. For example, a few kinds of arousal that you can try out with a partner other than physical genital stimulation include building arousal through sight, sound, and thought. 

• Visual stimulation: this can happen by seeing a partner in a certain outfit or position, seeing sexy pictures, or even visualizing something that turns you on in your mind. If this works for you or your partner, try wearing different outfits that are visually arousing and sending photos back and forth. If you need some inspiration, Dr. Lehmiller found that about 1 in 7 adults are turned on by the idea of someone in uniform.
• Auditory stimulation: this is achieved through sounds – think of using “dirty talk” to initiate foreplay, as well as putting on sexy music to aid in arousal. Quinn, an app for audio erotica, can be an option to try this out if you’re interested. Quinn also published this blog about other surprising sexual turn-ons to consider as well. 
• Cognitive stimulation: this stimulation method is a bit harder to explain, but it includes talking about sex in a way that is arousing with a partner and including them in your desires. Try sharing your sexual fantasies with one another and talking about new things to try together that would be pleasurable. Our podcast episode with Rene Martine is a great resource to check out if you’re not sure how to get started sharing fantasies with one another. 

Using Sex Toys as Adaptive Sexual Technology

Second, you may want to consider using sex toys and other adaptive sexual technology to help explore stimulation and pleasure to see what works best for you. Some men do experience erections despite paralysis of the pelvic area, although this affects everyone differently. Different toys below may be more or less helpful depending on your specific circumstances. 

• For those who can become erect, cock rings may help sustain an erection for longer.
• Vibrating toys can provide various forms of stimulation due to the different sensations produced by the vibrations, even for those who cannot become erect. A remote controlled vibrator is a good option for those who have limited mobility as they can be used through an app or remote by one partner to adjust the settings (and pleasure!) for another.
• Sex furniture and sex swings may also be used to accommodate different sexual positions and make physical intercourse easier. IntimateRider is a brand of sex furniture designed specifically for those with spinal cord injuries in mind. 

Additional Resources for More Information

Third, here are a few additional resources to check out when it comes to sex and paraplegia, as well as when an individual has experienced a spinal cord injury. 

• This Is What It’s Like To Have Sex As A Quadriplegic
  • This is a short interview with Dr. Andrew Tepper, who after experiencing a spinal cord injury became a sexuality educator and coach specializing in people with disabilities. You can learn more about him at his website here.

• Sex and Paralysis Video Series and Regain That Feeling: Secrets to Sexual Self-Discovery: People Living With Spinal Cord Injuries Share Profound Insights Into Sex, Pleasure, Relationships, Orgasm, and the Importance of Connectedness
  • Both of these resources are created by Dr. Andrew Tepper (mentioned above). The first link is a helpful video series that includes information on sexual positions for women with paralysis and men with spinal cord injuries, as well as how using vibrators may help with sexual stimulation and pleasure. The second link is his book where he debunks a host of myths associated with sex and disability based on his personal experience.
    

We hope that these resources are helpful for those navigating sex and paraplegia. If you have experience with the topic and have additional tips/resources that are not already covered here, feel free to email emily@sexandpsychology.com so that we can update this blog accordingly. 

If you have a sex question of your own, record a voicemail at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology to have it answered on the blog or the podcast.