Dating apps make it seem like you can swipe your way to the perfect partner. But attraction isn’t something we can fully predict from profiles. It emerges through interaction. So what happens when we try to optimize something that’s inherently unpredictable? In this episode, we break down the psychology of online dating and how to approach it more effectively.

• Why might using multiple dating strategies improve your odds?
• Can AI predict attraction better than we can ourselves?
• How accurate are first impressions on dating apps?
• Is there an optimal timeline for meeting in person after matching?
• What strategies lead to healthier online dating experiences?

Head to https://paired.com/JUSTIN and download the #1 app for couples to start maintaining your lasting love today.

Most of us think we know what we’re looking for in a partner. We have a “type,” a mental checklist, and the belief that if someone checks enough boxes, everything else will fall into place. But decades of research suggest that attraction and compatibility don’t work that way. In this episode, we’ll unpack how attraction really unfolds and why chemistry is so hard to predict.

• What’s the link between what we say we want and who we actually fall for?
• Do we really have a "type" when it comes to romantic partners?
• Why is it so hard to predict whether two people will feel a spark?
• How can we improve our chances of finding a compatible partner?
• How much does long-term satisfaction depend on initial compatibility?

Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for up to 20% off. Experience the craft behind the comfort with Cozy Earth, and make every day feel intentional.

• How did leather and nylon come to be associated with sex?
• When did foot fetishes start to become popular?
• How long have humans been making porn?
• Historically, why was porn often used for political purposes?
• When did cartoon/animated porn begin to rise in popularity?

How much do you really know about orgasms? In this episode, we answer common questions about climax and explore the concept of orgasm equity, including what it really means to close the orgasm gap. We’ll also discuss strategies for experiencing more pleasure, and whether becoming multi-orgasmic is something you can actually learn.

• Who's responsible for your orgasm during partnered sex?
• What do porn and popular media get wrong about how orgasms are portrayed?
• Why do some people feel like they need to fake orgasms?
• Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
• Scientifically, what actually is an orgasm anyway?

• What's the difference between our needs and our desires?
• How can partners discuss and negotiate different desires in healthy ways?
• What kinds of things should go into a relationship agreement?
• How do you cultivate feelings of security in a non-monogamous relationship?

• In what ways is exploring non-monogamy akin to the experience of taking a psychedelic?
• How can somatic regulation help when we're experiencing jealousy and other intense emotions?
• What factors contribute to feelings of jealousy in non-monogamous relationships?
• What does it look like to transform our relationship with jealousy?

Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for up to 20% off. Experience the craft behind the comfort with Cozy Earth, and make every day feel intentional.

• How do dating apps shape our dopamine responses and bonding tendencies?
• Could AI actually improve mate selection, or is that better left to humans?
• Are changing relationship patterns a sign of human adaptability, or something else?
• Where might the future of sex, dating, and intimacy be headed?

• What makes intimacy such a defining part of our species?
• Are humans built for monogamy or non-monogamy?
• What happens inside the brain when we fall in love with someone?
• Why does navigating sex and relationships in the modern world feel so challenging?

Research shows that couples who bring playfulness into conversations about sex report greater satisfaction and emotional connection. A well-timed joke can lower defenses and make high-stakes topics feel safer. Today, we’re diving into how humor works inside relationships, and how it can be an effective tool, when used appropriately, to enhance sexual communication.

• Why does humor lower sexual tension?
• When does humor help sexual communication, and when does it derail it?
• Is being funny actually sexy?
• What do sex and stand-up teach us about staying open instead of defensive?
• How can you blend humor with honest sexual communication?

Head to https://paired.com/JUSTIN and download the #1 app for couples to start maintaining your lasting love today.

• Why is sex such irresistible comedy material?
• How can stand-up bits about sex also serve as a form of sex education?
• When do sex jokes normalize conversation, and when do they reinforce shame?
• How has talking about sex in stand-up evolved over time?

Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beducate.me/pd2607-lehmiller

• What testosterone does in women’s bodies and sex lives
• How levels change across the lifespan
• When testosterone may help menopausal symptoms
• Potential risks and side effects
• Why there’s still no FDA-approved testosterone treatment for women

For many women, the menopause transition brings painful sex and low libido—issues that have long been endured in silence. Meanwhile, men have had access to highly effective sexual performance treatments for decades. The result is what my guest calls the bedroom gap: the widening divide in sexual expectations and capabilities between men and women in midlife.

I am joined by Dr. Maria Sophocles, a board-certified OB/GYN and Menopause Society Certified Practitioner. She is the CMO of EMBR Labs, a Boston-based wellness device company. Maria is also author of the new book, The Bedroom Gap, which is all about sex at midlife.

• Defining the bedroom gap
• The often overlooked sexual effects of menopause
• How Viagra widened the divide at midlife
• Barriers to treatment for women's sexual health
• How to close the bedroom gap

• How does connection to your own erotic self shape attraction to your partner?
• What happens in each phase of the pleasure cycle?
• How does modern life disrupt desire and dopamine?
• How can we leverage the power of anticipation to build more pleasure?

Most people think of sexual consent as a simple yes-or-no question. But it’s rarely that clear-cut. In this episode, we unpack why consent is about more than permission, how power and context shape sexual choices, and what it means to build experiences that feel mutual, ethical, and genuinely good for everyone involved.

• What are we getting wrong about sexual consent, and what’s missing from the way we typically define it?
• What does “intentional awareness” actually look like in a sexual encounter?
• Why does honesty about your motivations matter just as much as a verbal yes?
• Should pleasure be considered a core part of consent? If so, why?
• How can we practice consent not just as a rule to follow, but as a relational and erotic skill that makes sex better?

Knowing someone loves you is one thing. Actually feeling that love in your body and daily life is another—and that’s where many relationships get stuck. In this episode, we move from problem to solution, exploring five research-backed mindsets that help love land and deepen real connection.

• How does the "Relationship Sea-Saw" explain the give-and-take of feeling loved?
• What does healthy self-disclosure actually look like in a relationship?
• How can couples sustain curiosity in long-term partnerships?
• How can we approach our relationships with more compassion and less scorekeeping?
• How can we learn to become better listeners and stop having repetitive conflicts?

• Why do so many people struggle to feel loved, even when they clearly are?
• How can admiration and praise actually leave us feeling lonelier?
• Why does believing you have to “earn” love block you from experiencing it?
• What happens to our mental health, relationships, and desire when we don’t feel loved?
• How is modern technology undermining our sense of connection?

Limerence is an intense state of romantic preoccupation where someone takes over your thoughts and emotions. It can feel exhilarating and even spark new love. But it can also become unhealthy, especially when the feelings are unrequited, inappropriate, or tied to someone who is unavailable or toxic. In this episode, we explore when limerence becomes a problem, and how to work through it.

• What keeps limerence going, and what do you need to understand before breaking the cycle?
• How do you shift into a recovery mindset?
• What practices help interrupt rumination?
• What should you look for in a therapist if you need help working through limerence?
• How does living more purposefully protect against limerence?

• How is limerence different from lust and love?
• What happens in the brain during limerence?
• Why does uncertainty fuel romantic obsession?
• Is modern dating making limerence more common?
• What emotional needs or life circumstances make someone more vulnerable to limerence?

• Why orgasm is more than a physical response
• How shame and trauma quietly shape your sex life
• Why “spectatoring” kills pleasure
• When trying to fix your partner backfires
• How to reconnect with your body during sex

• What does it mean to treat sexual symptoms as a form of unconscious communication?
• Why is it important to get curious about the deeper issues behind sexual problems?
• If someone is experiencing "out of control" porn use, what might the deeper issue behind that be?
• What kind of emotional information do sexual fantasies carry?
• What does healing or recovery from a sexual problem actually look like?

If you want to make this year less about fixing yourself and more about understanding yourself, check out Beducated. Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beducate.me/pd2602-lehmiller 

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What is age play, and why are some people drawn to it?
• What's the psychological appeal of pet play?
• Where do sensory-based kinks like balloon play come from?
• How can we help people think about sexual diversity in a way that's more curious than judgmental?

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does the term kink really mean? Can anything be kinky?
• Where do kinks come from?
• Do kinky interests always have some deeper meaning?
• Why are power dynamics so commonly eroticized?
• What are the biggest things people get wrong about kink?

“Sex-positive” is a term that gets used a lot these days, but it doesn’t always mean the same thing to everyone. Sometimes it’s about sexual openness or enthusiasm, other times it’s about respect for sexual diversity, and sometimes it’s even used in coercive ways. In this episode, we explore what sex-positivity actually is, and what it isn’t.

I am joined once again by Dr. Carol Queen, the staff sexologist, Company Historian, and Curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations. A noted cultural sexologist whose work has been widely published, she's written and edited several books, including The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What are the core features of sex-positivity?
• What are some common usages of the term that miss the mark?
• Why is it important to separate sex-positivity from things like sexual behavior, frequency, and identity?
• How can you recognize when sex-positivity is being used coercively rather than ethically?
• How can you apply sex-positive values in everyday life?

Sex shops are more than just retail spaces. In fact, they’re often where people actually learn about sex. When formal sex ed fails, sex shops step in to answer questions about bodies, pleasure, and desire. In this episode, we're exploring how sex shops became unexpected sex educators, and what we can learn from that.

My guest is Dr. Carol Queen, the staff sexologist, Company Historian, and Curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum at Good Vibrations. A noted cultural sexologist whose work has been widely published, she's written and edited several books, including The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How did sex shops become one of the main places people actually learn about sex?
• How did Good Vibrations completely change what a sex shop could be?
• What questions are people really bringing into sex shops when they walk through the door?
• How do you train retail staff to be responsible sex educators — not just good salespeople?

A lot has changed very quickly lately, and nowhere is this more evident than in LGBTQ+ health. In just a short period of time, we’ve seen shifts in research funding, data collection, public health infrastructure, and the broader social climate, all of which have real, measurable consequences for people’s mental, physical, and sexual well-being.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by two experts who study how stress, stigma, and uncertainty affect LGBTQ+ people, and what these rapid changes mean for health and resilience right now.

• What are the key changes that have happened around LGBTQ+ health and research?
• What do these changes mean for the broader community?
• How does social connection help buffer against stress?
• How can LGBTQ+ people, their families, and the professionals who work with them support each other right now?

• Tips and advice for singles looking to find love in the New Year.
• The benefits of "slow dating."
• How to rebuild and strengthen emotional connection and intimacy.
• How to stop having the same fight over and over again.
• Tips for improving relationship communication.

• What distinguishes resolutions that actually work from those that don't?
• What are some resolutions that can improve the relationship you have with yourself?
• What are some good resolutions to consider for better sex with a partner?
• How can we resolve to make sex more of a priority in our lives?

• How (and why) does sexual behavior change with the seasons?
• Why is Santa such a popular sex symbol at this time of year?
• How do you prevent holiday stress from spoiling the mood?

Erectile dysfunction has long been treated with guesswork and one-size-fits-all solutions. But new technology is changing that by making erections measurable. In this episode, we explore the FirmTech TechRing, a wearable that tracks erection data during sleep and sex, and what insights from over 136,000 erections reveal about erectile fitness, overall health, and the future of data-driven sexual medicine.

• How is the TechRing different from a traditional penis ring?
• What can real-time erection data tell men about their health?
• How does using an erection ring compare to taking an ED medication?
• How can an erection ring make sex better?

• What are the biggest things people get wrong about erectile dysfunction?
• What is venous leak, and why is it such an under-diagnosed contributor to ED?
• Why do nighttime erections happen, and what do they tell us about men's health?
• What's the problem with using pills as a one-size-fits-all solution to ED?

• What are the main reasons why some gay men have sex with women?
• Why might a woman want to have sex with a gay man?
• Does your sexual behavior necessarily have to align with your sexual identity?
• Why do people sometimes engage in behaviors that don't seem to match up with their sexual orientation?

Although gay men are often seen as being pretty uninhibited when it comes to sex, their fantasy lives tell a more complex story. Like everyone else, many gay men experience shame, confusion, or conflict around their fantasies. In today’s show, we’re diving into common themes that show up in gay men’s fantasies, the psychology behind them, and how to drop the shame.

• What do sexual fantasies actually mean or represent?
• What kinds of things are gay men likely to fantasies about?
• Why are taboo themes so prevalent in gay men's fantasies?
• How does porn shape gay men's fantasies?
• What do gay men who feel ashamed or confused about their fantasies need to know?

• What do people today think "counts" as cheating?
• Is watching porn a form of infidelity? What about sexting with an AI chatbot?
• How many people suspect a partner has cheated on them before?
• What kind of detective work do people do to determine if a partner has cheated?
• How do we balance the benefits and challenges of digital intimacy?

• What specific changes are people noticing in their dating lives as a result of taking one of these drugs?
• Why does weight loss seem to be benefiting men more than women when it comes to dating?
• How do GLP-1 medications affect sexual health and function? And is it different for men and women?
• Are people taking GLP-1 medications worried about social judgement?

• What is the Multiple Relationships Maintenance Scale, and what can it tell us about how CNM relationships work?
• How do people in CNM relationships navigate things like jealousy, resource distribution, and hierarchy?
• What are people in the most successful CNM relationships doing?
• What can monogamous couples learn from how CNM people structure their relationships?

• What the difference between CNM and infidelity?
• How is cheating within a CNM relationship similar to or different from cheating in a monogamous relationship?
• What are some of the logistical and emotional challenges in CNM relationships?
• What are some of the key components to a successful CNM relationship?
• How is CNM related to sexual health and safer-sex practices?

• Why has it taken so long for us to gain a solid scientific understanding of the clitoris?
• How many nerve endings are actually in the clitoris?
• How can a better understanding of clitoral anatomy help to improve sexual health and pleasure?
• Is there really a difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms?
• What is the role of testosterone in clitoral health and wellness?

• Where does the idea of masturbation as sinful originate?
• Historically, how have religious and political figures dissuaded people from masturbating?
• When did masturbation start to become a public health concern?
• How has the rise of social media coincided with the rise of negative views of masturbation?

• What does a typical abstinence pledge look like?
• How common are abstinence pledges today?
• Do abstinence pledges actually delay sexual activity?
• How might abstinence pledges make people less prepared for sex and relationships?
• What happens when people "break" their pledge?

• How does purity culture shape attitudes toward sex, desire, and one's own body?
• What are some ways to work through the shame that people often feel due to purity culture?
• How can you begin exploring your sexuality when you still have some internal conflicts about it?
• Is it possible to remain religious without adopting the sexual shame that often comes with it?

• What do you need to know if you're worried about becoming too "dependent" on sex toys?
• How can people introduce sex toys into partnered sex without stoking insecurity?
• Are sex toys just for women and single people?
• What are some beginner-friendly sex toys worth considering?
• What should you do if you try a toy and find that it doesn't seem to do much for you?

• What does it mean to view sex toys as experiences rather than products?
• What all goes into designing and developing a new sex toy?
• How can you tell the good sex toys from the bad?
• In what ways can sex toys help us to improve our sex lives?

• Why are people with psychopathic characteristics often rated as more attractive?
• How are mental health conditions associated with sex drive and sexual behavior?
• Are people with "daddy issues" more eager to please in bed?
• Will therapy make you ready for a relationship?

• What are some of the problems with overusing therapy speak?
• How is social media changing the way people think about and approach relationships?
• What does the term "love-bombing" actually mean?
• How do you know the difference between something like love-bombing and just moving fast in a relationship?

• What is the role of self-exploration in navigating sex and intimacy after sexual assault?
• What are some practical things that can potentially help survivors of sexual assault?
• What does the concept of post-traumatic growth look like in practice?
• How can helping professionals become better-equipped to serve survivors?

• Why do discussions about safer sex almost always leave oral sex out of the equation?
• Oral sex is often thought of as a low- or no-risk activity, but is that really the case?
• How come dental dams never really caught on?
• How does Lorals offer something different compared to other barrier methods?
• How can we help people to maximize both pleasure and safety during sexual activity?

• What is sensate focus, and how can it be a beneficial practice in relationships?
• How can we get better at initiating sex?
• What are some ways for us to learn more about our own desires?
• Why is it important to expand our definition of sex and bring more creativity into the bedroom?

• Why is parenting more stressful than ever? And what does this mean for parents' intimate lives?
• How can you make your relationship a priority when it feels like everything is overwhelming?
• How can parents' attachment styles exacerbate disconnection and conflict?
• What are some of the different issues parents face when it comes to having younger versus older children?

• What are the most common sexual fantasies people have?
• Which fantasies are people most likely to tell their partners about, and why?
• How is being in a relationship characterized by high levels of sexual novelty linked to sharing fantasies?
• How is the length of a relationship related to whether people share their fantasies?

• Is it common for people to share their fantasies with their partners?
• What is the most common reason for sharing a sexual fantasy?
• Why do some people choose to keep their fantasies secret?
• Do partners typically respond positively or negatively when fantasies are shared?
• When is sharing your fantasies a good idea?

• How do you know when an argument you're having with a partner is reflective of a larger negative cycle?
• What are some ways to use vulnerability to break out of a negative cycle?
• What does co-regulation look like for couples trying to resolve an argument?
• What are the most common traps that lead to negative cycles in the first place?
• How can couples repair their relationship if a negative cycle sneaks in?

• Why is the idea that there's just one perfect "recipe" for oral sex a myth?
• How do you deal with common roadblocks that interfere with your ability to enjoy performing oral sex, like boredom or discomfort?
• What are some new positions or approaches that can elevate oral experiences?
• What should you do if oral sex feels like it has become a duty or obligation instead of something you love doing?
• What are the key factors that make oral sex great?

• What's the problem with one-size-fits-all medical advice?
• How does the concept of PMS pathologize natural things that happen to women’s bodies?
• What's the problem with using the male body as the "standard" in scientific research?
• What's wrong with the way scientists typically treat the menstrual cycle in studies of women?
• How can we do research that actually serves women?

• What's the deal with PMS? Why did women evolve to feel like crap for half of the menstrual cycle?
• How do the rise and fall of different hormones during the cycle affect women's brains?
• Progesterone is a hormone that's supposed to make us feel good. So why doesn't it have that effect during the second half of the menstrual cycle?
• How do estrogen and progesterone affect sexual motivation and desire?

• How can we have a healthier relationship with our own sexual pleasure?
• How do we make pleasure a priority in everyday life?
• What are some practical ways to reawaken sexual desire?
• How can we begin to identify what we really do and don't want when it comes to sex?
• How can we get better at both saying "no" and hearing "no" in the bedroom?

• What are the benefits of looking at sex more holistically?
• Why is the idea of "sensuality" so crucial to our sexuality?
• How do we begin to awake our sensuality to learn more about our own sexual style?
• What is the importance of really understanding our own bodies when it comes to enhancing sexual wellbeing?
• What are some ways to get more comfortable with our own bodies?

• What does it really men to be "sexually confident?"
• How do popular myths about male sexuality inhibit men's confidence in the bedroom?
• Is more testosterone really the key to more confidence?
• What can men do if they want to increase their sexual stamina?
• When should you see a professional about sexual performance concerns?

• What is the average penis size anyway?
• Can stretching make your penis bigger?
• Do penis pumps work to increase size?
• Are surgeries to enhance penis size worth the risks?
• Are there any pills or medications that can make your penis larger?

• How does BDSM offer a way for people to explore their creative side?
• What can we learn from BDSM practitioners about vulnerability and intimacy?
• How can BDSM allow us to explore pleasure beyond traditional sexual scripts?
• What can we learn from kinky folks about having realistic expectations in the bedroom?

• What are some of the biggest things people get wrong about kink and BDSM?
• What might people get out of BDSM besides (or in addition to) sexual fulfillment?
• How do people typically find their way into BDSM?
• What's the role of community in BDSM?
• Why is kink more prevalent in among LGBTQ+ persons?